The Mindpower Podcast with Stéph & Shay

How To Change The Way People See You (Meditation Inside)

May 31, 2023 Stéphane & Shalee Schafeitel Episode 64
The Mindpower Podcast with Stéph & Shay
How To Change The Way People See You (Meditation Inside)
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Are you ready to transform your life by upgrading your network? In this empowering episode, we reveal how to break free from limiting relationships and step into a new mindset by first changing the way you perceive yourself. Join us as we share personal experiences, from transitioning from the corporate world to starting a business, to embracing the power of the Forgiveness Process meditation that helps us let go of past versions of ourselves and fully embrace our new selves.

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Hey listeners, Stéph & Shay here.

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Speaker 1: Some individuals really take Jim Rohn's quote to heart. You become the average of the five people you hang out with the most. Some people have the philosophy of like, okay, cool, just go and just start firing friends and family and just shift gears and move to. You know totally different networks of people And listen. For some individual, that may need to be the case, but it's not the direction we're gonna go yet. First of what we wanna talk about is first getting clear about how you perceive yourself first, and changing that, still within your same networks. Let me explain. So how you view yourself is gonna be how people view you. We know that Carl Jung talked about this, that you know what we perceive is who we are, and so what individuals outside of us are going to perceive in us is what we perceive about ourselves. And so for an individual that wants to up-level their network first, what they need to do is they need to up-level themselves, which all of you are doing as part of the Mind Power Club, which is key, but also what's super important to understand is, every single time you wanna up-level yourself, you need to also change the way you look at yourself. Okay, let me give you an example for myself Whenever I was in the corporate world. 

Speaker 1: I had to. When I left the corporate world and we started our own coaching and consulting business at the end of 2009, going into 2010, i had to let go of corporate staff. I had to let go of working for the man's staff. I had to let go of black suit, white shirt, solid blue or red tie staff which is, by the way, basically the uniform in the medical device arena Because that's where, at the very end, i worked in startup companies, helping them from the ground up, build sales teams and then profited greatly off of catching in on stock options. I had to let go of black suit staff. Right, i mean, it's funny. You looked in my closet. It was black suit, black suit, black suit, black suit, white shirt, white shirt ooh, light blue shirt, white shirt, white shirt, red tie, blue tie. I had to let go of corporate staff and become coach staff. 

Speaker 2: So it's a different mindset, right. 

Speaker 1: Totally different mindset. 

Speaker 2: It's a different set of thinking. It's a different hat. 

Speaker 1: So you have an opportunity. Before you go like firing everybody in your world, you have an opportunity to up, level yourself and then see who will see you at the new level. And, by the way, then if they can't see you at the new level, you might need to think about divesting from those relationships, otherwise they will hold you down, they will hold you back. It's inevitable. But, step one change the way you view yourself. You get to do. There's a powerful process that many of you know inside Mind Power Breakthrough, called the Forgiveness Process, guided Meditation. Right, how many of you have experienced our Guided Meditation called the Forgiveness Process? Okay, and so for those of you who have access to that, use it. 

Speaker 2: You put yourself up on the stage. 

Speaker 1: By the way, those of you that don't have access to it. We're about to tell you how you could do this. In your mind, powerful process, you imagine a stage in front of you with curtains of a pleasing color. You wave your hands in the air and the curtains open, you summon the spotlight to turn on, and out onto the stage is the past. You walking into the spotlight And you say what you need to say to the past version of you. And you say what you need to say to get complete with that past version of you, the good and the bad everything you need to say. 

Speaker 2: Don't hold back. 

Speaker 1: Yeah, everything. Say it like really empty out. You also need to forgive that person for who they were and not wanting to evolve past where they were. And, by the way, that person the other you needs to forgive you, this new Version of you. 

Speaker 1: Version of you for abandoning him or her and leaving him or her Right, and that person needs to forgive you for wanting to grow and evolve. By the way, this is so powerful. I hope you guys are getting what's happening here And then, and you've got to fully forgive each other you forgiving the past to you and the past you forgiving you, and then and then you've got to see a connection between the two of you And a divine light shoots down from the heavens and cuts that connection, and then you give the past you a hug and, like, integrate him or then You pass version of you to dissolve and just Integrate it within so you can heal it up, and then let the past version of you go so you can fully step into the new you. 

Speaker 1: And then the light turns off, the curtains close and the stage goes back up into the sky as a bright, sparkly star. And if you're doing the exercise, open your eyes. You need to consider doing that meditation, that visualization technique, however you want to call it over and over and over again until you have this, this like Undeniable Movement this urge Should just be Fire. 

Speaker 2: The new you. 

Speaker 1: This like oh, i got to go and be this new me And you can tell that you've released yourself from the past, you right? 

Speaker 2: Now also do this with past associations that are no longer in alignment with the new you. 

Speaker 1: Step two. So we're in step two now. Step one change the way you view yourself and step into the new you right. So step two you got to do this process, the forgiveness process, with all the individuals that are currently in your network, to proclaim to them. 

Speaker 2: That you're a new you. This is who I am now Like Steph had to do that with his old corporate associations so that they could see him, as you know, business owner, founder, coach, what have you? and disconnect those connections from before or reconnect, but seeing them as the new person. 

Speaker 1: Which is how I was able to, within three months of being in business with our coaching and consulting business, how I was able to onboard a private client that was previously my boss. 

Speaker 2: Yeah, do you get this? People see you with this like you're in a box, you're in. This happens in our familial relationships, right? Or friends, right, you're a mom, you're a dad, your brother, your sister, your aunt, your uncle, your best friend. And for those of you that are coaches or going into coaching, they think, well, they can't possibly, my sister can't possibly coach me, right? Well, we've both successfully coached our parents and we were able to do that. 

Speaker 1: Usually because of the forgiveness process. 

Speaker 2: Usually parents would say well, that's my child, i change their diapers. You know they can't coach me. I've been on this planet longer than them. I know more than they do, but that's you know. That's a perception, right? So you have to let go of those past associations that could keep you stuck and keep you from growing into the new you. 

Speaker 1: Yeah, this is the client that onboarded was the executive vice president of sales for a multi-100 million dollar company And she always viewed me as being somebody that was a part of her team. I changed it in my mind with the forgiveness process And then when I communicated with her the next time, i had the confidence, i had the clarity that I am now a coach and I can help you get to where you wanna be. They were. it's no longer that. I'm an individual on your team and your EVP of this company. It's now I'm coach, your client. but I had to make that switch in my mind and doing that forgiveness process in your imagination It's the most powerful way to do that most powerful way to do it. And that switch starts happening in your head. It emanates from you and radiates from you when you start communicating with people and they can no longer see you as who you were, because you can't see yourself as that person anymore. 

Speaker 2: It's projection You get that right. It's what you are projecting out. 

Speaker 1: People will see you as you see yourself. I hope you've got your mind power journal. Write that down. People will see you as you see yourself, right. And if you want people to see you differently, you need to see yourself differently. This is how, every time we've done private coaching and somebody changed to another company, we guided them through the forgiveness process. They went to another industry. Guided them through the forgiveness process. They Went into a new relationship. Guided them through the forgiveness process. They went from being a corporate person to having their own business New. Guided them through the forgiveness process. 

Speaker 2: Health and fitness goals. They lost weight and they needed to Same deal. 

Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's step two Now. So step one remember in review is make sure you change the way you view yourself. Step two make sure that you also have these conversations with other individuals to proclaim to them how they need to see you. You get why you gotta do step one first because, again, change the way you see yourself. You have to believe it first, then you proclaim it. Yeah, by the way, the discussions are usually pretty short. It's kind of like I love you. 

Speaker 2: It's who I am. 

Speaker 1: But I gotta tell you who I am now And let's get this straight. 

Speaker 2: Respect me for who I am, and as I respect you for who you are. That's the important thing to say in the process Respect me for who I am, as I respect you for who you are. 

Speaker 1: You do all this in your head. It's great. You don't even have to do it in the physical world. You don't have to find them and contact them Remember the mind can't tell the difference between something that's real, perceived in terms of imagined or remembered. Can't tell the difference because the same neural networks are firing. 

Speaker 1: So let's use that and harness it and leverage it to our advantage to do more active imagination, do more visualization. And so, step two, you're proclaiming to them who you are now, okay, step three on this part of the whole deal is to then go and interact with some of those people in the physical world and notice how it's changed, and also have different discussions. 

Speaker 2: So now, live up to who you are proclaiming to be and, yeah, change the story, change the communication that you're having with them. Be the new person so that they see you as that new person. 

Speaker 1: So Jennifer, evp of the last company that I worked at in the corporate world, i remember I just did a catch up with her. She goes Hey, let's catch up. I know you left a couple of months ago. I wanna know what's been going on. Sure, i went into that, call clear I'm a coach and she could be a client. She goes. So what's been happening? 

Speaker 1: I remember where we were when we had this discussion. We were living in Roseville, california at the time, and I remember Shay was on the phone out in the living room, which was right by my office. So I just I went into the bedroom, shut the door So it could be private and quiet And I said you know I'm doing my own thing. She goes. I thought you leaped to another company for the stock option. So I went. not this time. I said I'm all done with that. I said started my own coaching and consulting company with Shay And we've already onboarded clients that have us having a full docket for the next three months. 

Speaker 1: It's awesome to help people get from where they're at to where they wanna be in a very short period of time. And she went. You just got up and left the whole industry. I said yeah, absolutely. 

Speaker 1: And she went how did you have the courage to do that? That scares me to even think about that And it's crazy because I've always wanted to do that. I wanted to start my own consulting company and wanted to coach women Sounds like a coach to be, like To become better leaders. And she goes how did you do it? And I said it's all mindset And I can help you. So, because I help business leaders and high performers increase their mental toughness and emotional resilience And when that happens, they achieve all their goals in a very short period of time, so I can help you. And she went, really. And then we engaged in a discussion. The energy was different, the conversation was different And then, less than a couple of weeks later, she was onboarded as a client And so it was very clear. So in that step three, i communicated and I lived and I experienced, and I the way that I presented myself, was in alignment with what I proclaimed in step two in my imagination, on the stage. 

Speaker 2: Step three is the taking massive action part of this process right Now you have to take massive action and live up to what you proclaimed in step two. 

Speaker 1: Yeah, this is the point in step three where you've got to take the advice from Ralph Waldo Emerson and you need to do the thing He said do the thing and you will have the power, but they that do not the thing had not the power. 

Speaker 1: Do the thing, do the thing, do the thing. He would say sometimes three times after he was giving a speech. And so you've got to at this point. Step three do the thing. Okay, so there's all that Then, then. so you've got step one, two, three. So in review number one change the way you see yourself. Number two change the way others are gonna view you or see you. You proclaim to them how you want them to. 

Speaker 2: Yeah, and disconnect that connection with all of them so that you can then, in step three, Do the thing. Reconnect that connection as you want it to. If you want to connect, you don't have to reconnect with all those people, but if you want to, Walk the talk Now. 

Speaker 1: You go walk the talk and you go do it, and so what could happen in step three is some people aren't prepared for the new you. This is where it might be time to divest. 

Speaker 2: Shed that relationship. 

Speaker 1: Here's the thing. If they are, who knows our metaphor about crabs in the bucket? If you read our book, it's in there. Well then, if you read obviously you've been through my part breakthrough of experience it but it's in our book You can find the part where we do we talk about crabs in the bucket. So there are two types of crabs right, nefarious crabs and carrying crabs. 

Speaker 1: Okay, and this is from my story with my step grandfather in Wrightsville Beach, north Carolina, on the intercoastal waterway, and I think I'm seven, eight years old, something like that And we're crabbing and pull up the chain There's a little styrofoam thing, pull this big metal cage cube thing inside a 17 foot Boston whaler And literally he says pull the crabs out. I'm freaked out, worrying that I'm going to lose a finger. But you know, come on, i'm seven, eight years old, but I still. He goes. What you do is you grab it from behind and grab the body The claws can't go around behind it And he goes and then you put it in a bucket. I put it in a bucket When I went to grab another crab. The one crab was already on its way out of the bucket and moving sideways like they do ch-ch-ch-ch, you know, and right by the outboard motor, 85 horsepower, mercury. Remember like it was yesterday, sploosh into the intercoastal waterway And I'm like crap And he goes. Ah, you need to take two crabs out at the same time and put them in the bucket. Charles said he goes because as one is trying to get up and out of the bucket, another one will pull it down And whenever this one is coming up out, that one will pull it back down. They'll keep each other in the bucket And so that's crabs in the bucket. You gotta be aware of crabs We talk about in our book. 

Speaker 1: We talk about the two types of crabs carrying crabs and nefarious crabs. Nefarious crabs are trying to cut you. Cut them out. Nefarious crabs are trying to cut you. They're cutting you down because there are-. 

Speaker 2: Misery loves company. Misery loves company. They're not happy, they're jealous. 

Speaker 1: Oh, they're threatened. They're threatened of your success. 

Speaker 2: Their life isn't the way they want it, so why should yours be the way you want it So? 

Speaker 1: someone's trying to pull you down and intentionally they're nefarious. They're trying to cut you, cut them out. They're trying to cut you, cut them out. Then there's the caring crab. These people oftentimes look like family, friends, et cetera, and they love you. 

Speaker 2: And they mean well. 

Speaker 1: They mean well, they care for you. 

Speaker 2: But they say things like oh, you don't want to do that, i mean, you don't want to work that hard do you? 

Speaker 1: Who wants to work that hard? Oh, don't have expectations that high. I would not set expectations that high. I wouldn't want you to have false hope. Ooh, that's the caring crab. They're looking out for you. 

Speaker 2: The intentions are pure, Right but they shoot down what you want, right, and they're pulling you down and doing that. 

Speaker 1: You need to manage your time with them. If it's family and friends, you probably can't cut them out, but you need to probably lessen your time with them or manage them or try to re-educate them, and so on and so forth. So the reality is, as you go out to the world, you just got to start to realize who's supportive of the new you And who's? 

Speaker 1: not. And who are crabs? Yep, and who are crabs? And listen. If they're nefarious, cut them and cut them out fast. Do whatever it takes to do it. If they're caring or just confused, you can try to re-educate them. And so what that might look like is saying things like hey, that's okay for you to believe that I believe something different, powerful way to say it. Somebody's like you can't 10X your income. Well, hey, i get how you might believe that from your model of your world And I know that I can, and here's how I plan to do it. And so be okay with protecting yourself. 

Speaker 1: And I will say some individuals are very ceremonious type of splitters. I prefer the Homer Simpson into the IV technique. If you've seen the memes out there on the internet and whatnot, just kind of like slowly just disappear. So you're gonna have to sift through the noise and figure out who's supportive of the new you and who's not. And if you're a ceremonious cutter, so be it. Or if you're somebody that just disappears from the situation and kind of backs up into the IV, you can do that too, just by not responding to messages and so on and so forth. 

Speaker 2: Yeah, and then from there now go associate with the people who are like-minded, as you right, or, as we say in Mindpower Coaching Academy, your ICA, your ideal client avatar, the people that you want to work with right. Go find out, where do those people hang out? Are they hanging out at the gym? Are they hanging out at the coffee shop down the street? Are they hanging out at the racquetball club or the golf club, the country club, like? where do they associate? And then go insert yourself there as the new you and frequent with those people, often so that you can network with them and build up your associations. 

Speaker 1: Change. Oh, be willing to change things up a little bit. If you're looking to up level, then I don't care if you've worked out there for 15 years at this certain gym and that they've given you a $12 a month for the rest of your life Keeping. Get another one Grandfathered in or whatever like. Consider venturing out and maybe tossing in like F45 or maybe a doing bar yoga or-. 

Speaker 2: Orange theory Or orange theory Or whatever. Just another place that Maybe change it up a little bit. 

Speaker 1: Change it up a little bit. It's so funny. I was telling somebody this earlier today that Shay and I we were grandfathered in to this ridiculous membership of 24 hour fitness. It was like I think there was this point where it was like $12 a month. 

Speaker 2: Yeah or less, maybe. 

Speaker 1: For both of us. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you so much And but it wasn't our, it wasn't the crowd we wanted to associate with. And, by the way, we're not the type to talk while we work out. When we work out, we work out. But when we go to the smoothie stand, we love to communicate with people and let them know what we do and try and build associations, build relationships and whatnot. 

Speaker 1: And the people at this one gym we were working out at just wasn't, wasn't where we wanted to be At that point, at that point, and so so, rather than say yeah, but the membership is $12 for the rest of our life and be stuck there, we're like, forget about it. We changed gyms That was at a totally different level from what the gym was before. So a piece of advice here, a golden nugget for you is just because you've, metaphorically speaking, worked out at this gym for 15 years, then it's this great price. Don't, don't be shackled to it. Be open to change things up. I I intentionally I do a morning run every single morning. 

Speaker 1: I intentionally change it up and do different routes just to change stuff up for muscle confusion, for mind confusion, right, and, and also on these jobs. Oftentimes I run into other individuals with dogs. They pet bear. They say oh hi, baron, and oh nice to meet you, and this, that or the other, and I can't tell you the amount of times out on a run that I got an individual to be inspired by our movement, our be resilient movement, and to be intrigued with mind power and told them cool, just go to this website and, ready to rock and roll, you can get the, get the book right. 

Speaker 2: The. 

Speaker 1: MindPowerBookcom. 

Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, change up your routine. 

Speaker 2: Change up your routines, so that you are engaging with new people and it brings the unconscious, conscious right. If to you Steph's metaphor, if you've been working out at that gym for 15 years, it's unconscious to you. You walk in, you do your thing, you see the same people and and and either that's really healthy and good for you or maybe it's not, because maybe you're just going by them through the motions and you're not challenging and pushing yourself. But if you go to a new gym, then you meet new people and you have to, you know, familiarize yourself with the facilities and it's it's you're thinking. Now you have to think again. So all of this is just great ways to put yourself into new situations, to meet new people, showing the new person that you are. 

Speaker 1: But you got to do that. Step one, two, three, first, Yeah, You have to do that. By the way, this is the stuff that a lot of people don't talk about because they don't get perception and how that affects reality. A lot of individuals, when they talk about upleveling a sphere, will just say fire most of your friends and family today and just go get new ones, And that's not always ecological, But that I will tell you. That's more the common theme. Okay, That is more the common theme. Now, with that being said, I will say this is just how, how, how things work. It's a. 

Speaker 1: One of the laws of the universe You do have to understand is that you can only handle so many spinning plates. Metaphorically speaking, I think about the first time. I think it was at a circus or a fair, forgot what it was, And there was a clown that had a stick and put a plate on it and spun it and then spun it and then put it on top of its head, spun it, picked up another stick, put a plate on it, spun it, put it on its shoulder, picked up and kept, kept spinning the other ones and then took another stick, spun it and put it on the other shoulder. So now it's doing like this and spinning. It took another one and put it on its knee and then started spinning it while doing all of this spinning, And then there came a point where he was doing the exercise and he got to a point where he put one more stick and one more plate And then all of a sudden, everything came crashing down, just because he had gone beyond the threshold. It's a great metaphor and also a great visual You have to understand too. Only so much of your time, energy, resources, et cetera. 

Speaker 1: And just as our mentor, Darren Hardy, says in the business context. He said sometimes you need to do a cleansing and you need to let go of your lower 20% of your clientele to make room for a whole new batch of clientele that's probably gonna be higher level. Sometimes you need to do that with associations as well. You need to just let go of some associations to make room for new associations. So keep that in mind. 

Speaker 1: But again, we're not the ceremonious type like you're fired right, Like somebody famously said, But instead some relationships that are just hanging on by a thread. Let them break And you can just disappear from those situations. Free yourself from it. Don't feel like you have to do every single thing forever as it relates to relating with people. So I think all of that gives you Great question. There's so much golden nuggets in what we said there And also a step by step in review Change the way you view yourself. Step one, with the forgiveness process. Step two, with the forgiveness process, proclaim to individuals how you want to be viewed or seen. Step three go out and, within the same network, See who now makes the cut. Who are the individuals that can view you as the new you? 

Speaker 2: Whose ears perk up when you tell them about the new you. 

Speaker 1: Keep them. 

Speaker 2: Yeah. 

Speaker 1: The individuals who are uncertain, try to educate them, yeah, or confused. The people who are nefarious and they're gonna try and cut you, cut them out. 

Speaker 2: They're just closed and just not gonna be a good place. 

Speaker 1: I don't think you need to burn any bridges and do a ceremony. So I think you can pull a home or Simpson and disappear into the Ivy and just let them go. Next step is start to be willing to change things up a little bit. Start to be willing to change things up a little bit. Change your patterns, change your movements, change your roots, change your memberships, just so that you can all of a sudden come into a whole nother batch of people. When Shay and I did that with the gym, it was insane. We're like whoa, our people Like this is great. We would have never known that they existed if we weren't willing to just cancel that $12 a month membership with 24 hour fitness and move on into a new gym. 

Speaker 2: Exactly, exactly. So that's also. Step four is do the thing right. Take that massive action. Do the thing of what you need to do. That will assist you to level up your associations. 

Speaker 1: Step one change the way you view yourself. Step two tell people how you want them to see you or view you. Step three go do the thing and engage with that existing network. See who stays, see who leaves or who you've got to cut out. Step four start changing your routine. Start changing who you're hanging out with Super important. 

Up-Leveling Your Network Through Self-Perception
Breaking Free and Finding Support
Changing Routines and Relationships
Leveling Up Your Associations