Overcoming the Quest for Perfection

Speaker 1 0:18

Mistakes aren't the big bad M word that you think they are right. A lot of individuals, they make mistakes and they beat themselves up. And what we find is a lot of individuals are. Well, they beat themselves up because they have this quest for perfection right Like they gotta be perfect. And here's what Salvador Dali said. At best, he said give up seeking perfection and going for perfection because you'll never achieve it. It doesn't exist. Perfection doesn't exist. But a lot of individuals, they're afraid to make mistakes because they're trying to always be perfect.

Speaker 2 0:56

Yeah. So they don't want to fail right or mess up. So they just don't act because that's the safer thing to do right, because if you never go for it, then there's nothing to ever make a mistake on right.

Speaker 1 1:14

Too many individuals are striving for perfection.

Speaker 2 1:18

Yeah.

Speaker 1 1:19

Too many.

Speaker 2 1:19

Pure and simple, that's it.

Speaker 1 1:21

Too many people are striving for perfection. Right, and stay with us, because what we're gonna do I know we're talking a little bit about individuals that are scared of making a mistake right, they're either perfectionists. By the way, we're recovering perfectionists, that's right we are. Yeah, Yep, we did not go through a 12-step program. We went through a three-step program.

Speaker 2 1:48

What was that?

Speaker 1 1:50

Well, you know the one we're getting to. Yeah.

Speaker 2 1:52

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true, that's true.

Speaker 1 1:57

What is that the one we're teaching today? No, but we're recovering perfectionists.

Speaker 2 2:01

Right, and I think the easiest way to get over if you're curious, if you're a perfectionist yourself the easiest way to get over that is make a bunch of mistakes, so many that you just it blows everything out and you're like, oh my gosh, I can't be perfect anymore because I've made so many mistakes. Now you know, I'm just, you know, never gonna be perfect again.

Speaker 1 2:24

Yeah, yeah, Just blow it out. Yeah, Just blow it out. No, safely easily, effortlessly and healthily. Yes, yes, we're you know Safely easily, effortlessly and healthily.

Speaker 2 2:33

We're talking the kind of mistakes that when you're taking action quickly, mistakes are bound to happen. So when we wrote our book last year Master your Mind Power we were making a lot of mistakes because we were going through things very quickly. We kind of got to the point where it was like they're hands up and you're like, okay, how about?

Speaker 1 2:52

hiring a formatter who took our Google Doc that had already been pre-formatted it and copy and pasted it into a Word document, and we lost all the formatting and we lost all the formatting Right, and then they printed the book. Right, right, exactly, but it was a mistake, right, and we actually were like, wow, we were so in awe that it could happen, but then we iced it, which we're going to talk about here a little bit.

Speaker 2 3:15

Or like that time when we did the online course and I created the workbook and there were so many mistakes in there that were just a few things that we know very well. Just again it was mistakes happen going through it quickly mistakes happen. And you know, mistake after mistake after mistake after mistake, it was kind of like, okay, let's not fight this anymore, let's just say that you know, instead of going for 100% perfection, we're going to go for 90% perfection.

Ready Fire Aim

Speaker 1 3:42

Did you know that? I don't know if you know this, but a marksman, who you know? Marksman is somebody who's exquisitely skilled with a rifle Right, and you know, I come from a lineage of marksmen and my great grandfather was a marksman and then we had all these medallions in our house growing up in a case, you know, showing his marksman skills. And you know, as far as I know, I know also my grandfather was a marksman and father was also an officer in the Swiss military and the Swiss army and he was also good with a rifle as well. And I remember asking you know my dad, you know what it took for you know to become a marksman? He said there's two ways that you can. You can actually shoot a rifle. He said you can. You can, you know, do, aim, aim, aim, aim, aim. You know, pull the grass up and check the wind, and then aim, aim some more, and then you know, lick your finger and feel where the wind's coming from, aim some more, aim some more, you shoot and and that individual is probably going to miss the target. They're going to miss the target, right, it's most of the time. They're going to miss the target, and you know that's called ready aim fire right Now, there's, there's and that's not what a marksman usually does, by the way. That's the perfectionist route. That's the individual who is scared to make mistakes. They want to be perfect the first go. And, like Salvador Dali said, you're not going to be perfect, it ain't going to happen, so so.

Speaker 1 5:11

So what my dad said is he said, in order to be a marksman, what you've got to do is you have to acquire the target as fast as possible, right, and then and then and then fire around, knowing that you are going to miss. Let me repeat that Knowing that you're going to miss. Think about this metaphorically. Think about the metaphor. You are going for a target knowing at your first go there's a high probability you're going to miss. You're doing no aiming, you acquire the target fast. So I mean, you're doing aiming, but it's just a very fast, visceral aiming, knee jerk and you fire as quickly as possible, knowing that you're going to miss. You see how you missed, make a course correction, fire again and get at the target.

Speaker 1 5:53

There's been many studies on this right. Many military units around the world have proven this theory to be true that ready fire aim is more effective than ready aim fire, and ready fire aim will not only get you at the target with more accuracy but, more importantly, in a shorter period of time. That makes sense, and so so think about this metaphorically. So if to become a marksman, you have to do ready fire aim, you acquire the target, you fire. See how you missed, you fired again. It's the same same. Same same thing as it relates to life, as it relates to action, as it relates to our goals.

Speaker 1 6:30

Right, because we want to make sure that we acquire our target fast, we take action quickly towards it and know that we're going to make mistakes. So what we're going to want to do is know that we're going to make mistakes and make the course correction super fast, and, and, and then go after it again, and then go after it again. This is really, really, really important. This is the whole notion of ready fire aim. So that's that's today's you know lesson, before the lesson. Salvador Dali, like I said, said it best have no fear of perfection, you'll never reach it. Yeah, it's not possible. And and also Voltaire wrote in Dictionary Philosophique in 1770. He said perfect is the enemy of good.

Speaker 2 7:16

Yes, I love that quote. That's one of my favorite quotes.

Speaker 1 7:18

Perfect is the enemy of good right.

Speaker 2 7:21

Yeah, think about it. So if you spend all your time getting trying to get to 100 percent, perfect.

Speaker 1 7:28

Yep.

Speaker 2 7:29

And meanwhile you could get to 90 percent perfect Yep, and it's, it's almost like this. The rest of the 10 percent it takes same amount of time as the first 90. Exactly that's what we've experienced.

Speaker 1 7:42

We had projects. By the way, there are some projects where you should seek perfection. It's called, like your taxes.

Speaker 2 7:49

Yeah, or like a surgeon.

Speaker 1 7:52

A surgeon probably, should probably aim for, you know, perfection.

Speaker 2 7:55

Doing a surgery.

Speaker 1 7:56

Yeah, a car mechanic should probably aim for perfection.

Speaker 2 7:59

Yeah.

Speaker 1 7:59

Right, things like that. Yeah, you're writing a book, you want to try and aim for it, though it's really hard to do. But but there's so many tasks where 90 percent is good enough, 90 percent is OK. Yep, it's just great. Yep, 90 percent is better than 100 percent on so many things. And we see a lot of people struggling with time. Everyone's saying I'm busy. Everyone's saying I'm busy. By the way, you know how we feel about the word busy. It drives us nuts.

Speaker 2 8:26

Throw it out. Throw it out. We don't use that word. Why?

Speaker 1 8:29

Because it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy If, when people tell you how you're doing, by the way, think about the question how are you doing? They didn't ask how's your schedule?

Speaker 2 8:37

No, right. Yes, how are you, how are you doing? And people say I'm busy, I'm busy, no, I'm so busy.

Speaker 1 8:43

You stop for a moment and be like I'm good or I'm overwhelmed, or tell me how you feel, not how your schedule is. They didn't ask you how your schedule is. They said how are you doing? Right, think about that. And so, anyway, we're not big on the word busy, because it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, and when individuals say I'm busy all the time, they'll get more busy-ness, which isn't enjoyable.

Speaker 2 9:05

We like to say productive, because productive.

Speaker 1 9:10

It gets results.

Speaker 2 9:11

Presupposes you're getting results. Busy could just be busy work without the results, and we're not fans of that.

Speaker 1 9:17

No, no, no. And, by the way, do we have our schedule pretty full on? Yeah, and that's what we say If someone's like, if someone asks me how's your schedule, how's business? It's full on. Like it's literally amazing, it's a blessing, like business is amazing and we're productive and we're achieving our goals and getting the results we want, and it's awesome, right. So cut out the word busy, cut it out. It's crazy. The busy thing, the self-fulfilling prophecy. People are talking about how busy their schedule is and I'm like, stop trying to do things at 100%. Stop it, just stop it. Stop trying to do everything at 100%. It's not possible. It's just not possible. Start doing the things that don't count as much to a 90%, by the way, which is still great.

Speaker 2 10:06

Right, and it's probably going to be better than everyone else around you. Right Now, the things that do matter, like having a conversation with your kids or your mate, do it at 100%.

Speaker 1 10:14

Do it at 100%, or your employees Do it at 100%, or your team 100%. Taxes 100%.

Speaker 2 10:19

Yeah.

Speaker 1 10:20

You're coming up with a piece of content, 100%, if you can.

Speaker 2 10:24

But things like a social media post or an email or I make mistakes on social media all the time. Right, right.

Speaker 1 10:31

And it shows you're human. So stop being perfect. I had a client and she wrote an email. No, no, listen, listen, listen, listen. Should write an email and check it between five and seven times. Grammarly checked it. It didn't even count. Grammarly. Then, after Grammarly went through it somewhere between five and seven times, she would read, review it. Then she said she would click send and, because it was a Google-based email, she'd click undo and then review it again. Then click send and total like OCD and clicked undo and read it again. Then she'd finally have to send it and she said she'd have to walk away from her desk. That's not efficient.

Speaker 2 11:14

You helped her with that right. Yeah, I did.

Speaker 1 11:19

And she said then she would sit there and beat herself up and wonder if she messed something up and she'd obsess over it literally until another project would come on that would take her mind off of it. But she said one email could sometimes paralyze her for hours in a day.

Speaker 2 11:34

That's not efficient.

Speaker 1 11:36

That's a major running parachute. It has to do with perfection. Yeah, and we did our running parachute release technique with her and proof gone in about 15 minutes and then after that she was literally she was letting Grammarly do it and then she was doing one review send, that's it yeah.

Speaker 1 11:54

Write it Grammarly. One review send. She got three hours in her day back. Three hours, three hours, that's significant. That's significant in her day back and because most of her job she was a transaction coordinator at a real estate company and a big part of her job was emails and stuff like that. So she did a lot of not double, triple, quadruple checking like seven to 10 checks.

Speaker 2 12:19

You'd only get like two and a half emails done per day.

Speaker 1 12:21

She was not productive, always seeking perfection. That's a running parachute, and for a lot of individuals, perfection is a big running parachute that can be released in about 15 minutes.

Speaker 2 12:32

Yep.

Speaker 1 12:33

Yep.

Speaker 2 12:34

And then can she Join us in our Mind Power Breakthrough program and then you can release that parachute, that running parachute of perfection.

Speaker 1 12:41

We've had a lot of perfectionists come through the program.

Speaker 2 12:44

Ex perfectionists. We're recovering perfectionists, so we attract that right, I didn't shave today.

Speaker 1 12:52

How about that? How about that for not being 100% perfect?

Speaker 2 12:54

How dare you?

Speaker 1 12:55

I know I used to. I had to shave every single day. You can ask Shane every day. That was part of my perfectionism. I was like I have to shave. Now I'm like you know, if we're filming, I'll shave.

Speaker 2 13:06

He still shaves, yeah.

Speaker 1 13:07

I shave, I do that's where. Yeah, that's a program that's gonna be like you know.

Speaker 2 13:13

Out there forever.

Speaker 1 13:13

Out there for the foreseeable future in perpetuity.

Speaker 2 13:16

Beards might not be fashionable in a while.

Speaker 1 13:19

But so I and I wanted to shave today, but we had a very full on day where we got a lot of results done and I nixed the shave for today.

Speaker 2 13:28

Good job.

Speaker 1 13:30

That shows that I'm a recovering perfectionist. Yes, using your flexibility, Even two years ago I probably would have been like shaving like 30 seconds before and showing up later, or something like that. Now, perfectionism, it's a grind.

Speaker 2 13:42

Yeah Well, and then we see it. You know as a crutch, that a lot of people will use it unconsciously. They may not know what's going on. They're not saying, you know, maybe they are, maybe some people are saying, well, this has to be perfect, so I'm not even gonna do it. A lot, though, is unconscious, where they want it to be perfect, so bad. And so then they prepare to prepare, to prepare, to prepare, to prepare, to prepare, and then they have what we call failure to launch.

Embracing Mistakes for Growth and Success

Speaker 2 14:10

Yeah when they just can't get it off the ground because they're preparing, to prepare, to prepare, to prepare, to prepare, to prepare and never get anywhere. And analysis until paralysis we would see people when we're like hey, how's that thing that you are working on? Oh well, I'm still, I'm still preparing for it, I'm still working on it. And then a year later we'd see them again. How's that thing go when you're working on? Well, you know, I'm still preparing for it.

Speaker 1 14:38

I'm thinking about it. Yeah, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 14:41

Yes, do it, just do it, just do it.

Speaker 1 14:44

Hold on. Can I tell you something funny? When I was in the corporate world you want to talk about perfectionism in the corporate world and bureaucratic cockamamie we would have meetings to plan for the meetings. Oh goodness, that set us up for the meeting.

Speaker 2 15:02

I'm not kidding you, Not, not, not A planning meeting for the meeting yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You missed a layer.

Speaker 1 15:08

Two one was a planning meeting that planned out what was going to be discussed in the planning meeting, and then the planning meeting was a meeting to discuss what was going to happen in the actual meeting. I was like those are people who just love to meet.

Speaker 1 15:24

Like seriously, I was like bureaucracy, craziness. That's an example of like a company having paralyzing, just perfectionism within their culture and that breeds individuals to be perfectionists. A planning meeting to talk about what's going to be a pre-planning meeting that's what it's called Pre-planning meeting to talk about what was going to be in the planning meeting, that was to talk about what was going to be the actual meeting. Perfectionism it is, you know, healable.

Speaker 2 15:59

Yes.

Speaker 1 16:00

It is.

Speaker 2 16:00

There is a cure there is a cure.

Speaker 1 16:03

It's running parachute release. Join us in Mind Power Breakthrough. If you are a perfectionist and you need to let that go so you can produce more and get more results. So, having a fear of perfection, you'll never reach it. That's Salvador Dali. Perfect as the enemy of good that's Voltaire. Voltaire, remember that, let it go. Like we talk about in our book Shoot for 90%.

Speaker 2 16:27

Perfect, that's right, that's it, that's right.

Speaker 1 16:30

Two for 90%. It will save you time, it'll save your world. It'll save you. It'll save your life. No, I'm serious, I gotta be dramatic. No, it will. I know I'm dramatic sometimes Because it will save you stress. I think it's true.

Speaker 2 16:44

Anxiety overwhelm.

Speaker 1 16:46

Most people have anxiety and overwhelm and scatterness due to their own doing being so busy, yeah, and trying to be so perfect at all the things along the way, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect. Oh, and then, on top of that, they multitask, oh no.

Speaker 2 17:01

You know how we feel about multitasking. We'll have to resurrect that for some new people, for some new people, all right.

Speaker 1 17:08

Okay, so let's talk about what to do when you make a mistake.

Speaker 2 17:15

Yeah.

Speaker 1 17:16

And then, when you know what to do, it'll allow you to be okay with the mistakes ahead of time. That's what we find. A lot of people say just stop the perfection, and what we're going to do is allow you to have a strategy to get out of it, which is knowing mistakes are going to happen and then knowing how to just sail through the mistakes. You see, the land of mistakes. Yeah, it's going to happen. Yeah, yeah, it's like an obstacle course.

Speaker 2 17:41

We've promoted mistakes so much here, so now let's tell you what to do when you do make those mistakes.

Speaker 1 17:47

Have no fear of mistakes you already have. Embrace them.

Speaker 2 17:49

Right. So now what?

Speaker 1 17:50

Yeah.

Speaker 2 17:50

So we have created the ICE method, which is ICE I stands for, identify Yep. So just identify that the mistake happened right and acknowledge that you made a mistake.

Speaker 1 18:07

Right.

Speaker 2 18:09

Easy enough. That's it. C is for change.

Speaker 1 18:13

Yep.

Speaker 2 18:13

Now you learn from this mistake, right. How did it happen? What can you change that can ensure that it doesn't happen again? Right, and once you internalize the learning, then you can approach similar situations differently in the future to avoid making the same mistake again. Right, right, so let's change. And then, finally, e is embrace, which is embrace the fact that you're learning, you're growing and the fact that you made a mistake, right. Here's the thing Super achievers push the limits and the limits will push back, yep, so just embrace it and say you know what I'm growing, I'm learning. At least you're doing that, right, because most people are not doing that, so they're not going to make mistakes because they're not pushing the limits, right, whereas you all, because you're here, we know you're into mind, power and leveling up. So mistakes happen. It's just a part of the learning process. Yep, it's a part of success, it's part of creating success. So I identify, identify, you made the mistake. Just be like oh, made that mistake, okay.

Speaker 1 19:27

Yep.

Speaker 2 19:28

See, change it Right, Learn from it, say okay, what could I have done differently? How did it happen? Yeah, Right.

Speaker 1 19:35

What can you change? It's why the C change. What can you change? What can you do differently in the future? Yep Right.

Speaker 2 19:42

So it doesn't happen again.

Speaker 1 19:44

Yeah, listen, there's no. There's no issue of making a mistake once now. There is an issue with making a mistake twice. The same mistake, the same exact mistake, in the same context, or with the same person, or whatever. By the way, it's okay, it just means you didn't ice it. If you ice it, you won't need to make the mistake again.

Speaker 2 20:06

Yeah. So if you never got the learning, then it's going to happen until you get the learning. So that's when that's what we call a pattern, right? You know, once is a fluke, twice is a pattern, three times is definitely a pattern, 100%. So if you find yourself making the same mistake over and, over and over again, stop yourself, ice it and really get the learning.

Speaker 1 20:29

What is a? You're all free from all of these, of course, but just for the point, If you have a professional athlete and they twist their ankle, what do they do? They ice it. Let's say that they you know they something happens to their knee and it doesn't feel very good. What do they do, they ice?

Speaker 2 20:45

it Ice it.

Speaker 1 20:47

They've got a professional tennis player and the you know their. Their wrist doesn't feel perfect, and what do they do? They ice it. What happens if you have, like, a boxer right and literally their whole body is sore and beat up, what do they do? They ice it. They ice their whole body. Yeah, and a tub of ice, a tub of ice. So the same thing. That's why, whenever you're making a mistake, all you need to do is ice it and all you have to do is, you know, think about I don't know if you remember, you know vanilla ice. Do you remember the song Doom doom doom? Do, do, do, do, doom, doom, doom doom? Do, do, do, do, do, doom, ice ice baby. Doom doom doom. Do, do, do, do, do, ice, ice baby. Okay, so when you make a mistake, you're going to want to ice it.

Speaker 1 21:34

Identify change embrace, identify change. Embrace, identify, change. Embrace, identify how you made the mistake, decide how you're going to change that behavior and do something differently in the future. Yeah, do something different. What do you want to have happen instead? Right, how do you want to behave or act? Instead, you're deciding how you want to change. Embrace means that you take it easy on yourself.

Speaker 2 21:56

Yeah, you just embrace the fact that you're learning.

Speaker 1 21:59

Stop being yourself up.

Speaker 2 22:00

And you made a mistake and as long as you did the I and the C and you really get the learning and you change, then there's, embrace yourself, it's no, big deal, embrace the fact you're growing, embrace the fact that errors are okay, mistakes are okay.

Speaker 1 22:14

Now, repeated errors, that's a different story. They're repeated mistakes in the same context different story. But you're not For the super achievers and the high performers out there, which is all of you. Then you're just going to have to understand the fact that you're going to make mistakes and then you actually You'll celebrate it. Yeah, like Amy Curran said earlier, you're going to celebrate having made the mistake. You're going to celebrate having made the mistake because you know that's what's required to help you level up. Is the mistake.

Speaker 2 22:44

Right, and without that mistake happening, you wouldn't have got the learning Right, and so now you're better off because you got the learning from it.

Speaker 1 22:52

So that's ice. So stop Embrace me and stop beating yourself up when you make mistakes. It's a natural, healthy and integral part of the learning and growing process.

Speaker 2 23:00

Absolutely. Absolutely is I mean in the book I talk about. That's I often say that's. The secret to my success is that I don't strive for perfection anymore. I used to do it all the time and it just slowed me down, and I'm so much more productive now with the mindset of 90% perfect, yep.

Speaker 1 23:24

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

Speaker 2 23:26

Think about it. I mean, yes, we can say you're perfect, right, which is a great suggestion. It's a good suggestion.

Speaker 1 23:36

Oh, we're always going to tell you you are perfect.

Speaker 2 23:37

Yes.

Speaker 1 23:38

You're perfect. You're a perfect mind You're perfect. So it doesn't mean that there's not always room for growth, but what we're going to say that is a positive suggestion. Exactly.

Speaker 2 23:48

And think about it. We all have our flaws, you know, physically, cosmetically, mentally, emotionally, what have you? And we wouldn't actually exist here, if you know, without imperfection, right? So there's perfection in imperfection, right? So we wouldn't actually be here without imperfection, because none of us are actually perfect.

Speaker 1 24:13

You can use ice or something really tiny or something monstrously big, like there's no limit to it. Ice works right. Ice is something that came to us many, many years ago and it was amazing because we tested ourselves and we're like, wow, this is how to blast through the mistake quicker. And then, because we had a strategy on how to get through the mistake, then we were okay with the mistakes we made. So it made it easier, like, okay, made a mistake, let's just ice it quickly and move on.

Speaker 2 24:46

Yeah, and here's the thing I mean just own up to it. I mean, if you're, you made a mistake in your relationship.

Embracing Imperfection and Healing Mistakes

Speaker 1 24:53

Oh, identify the mistake that you made, decide how you do it differently in the future and that situation, make sure you say thank you for your patience, that it grows the moment there. I'd like to fess up if you really messed up and apologize.

Speaker 2 25:07

Yeah.

Speaker 1 25:09

And then decide how you want to change and be different in the future and then embrace the fact that you're growing and the relationship's growing. It works in any context. It works in health and fitness right. It absolutely works in health and fitness. So so why? What do you have? You have some stories of that in health and fitness right.

Speaker 2 25:28

Yeah, yeah, yeah, all over the place you never flew over handlebars on a mountain bike, did you?

Speaker 1 25:35

Never, never, never, never, never Shay used to be. She's also not only a recovering perfectionist. Paradoxically, at the same time of being a perfectionist, she was also a coordinated klutz.

Speaker 2 25:46

Yes, it was. And is a recovered coordinated klutz yeah, what that means because I know it's a paradox is that I was coordinated, but I was also so klutzy at the same time, and so I would just fly over my handlebars or trip and fall, or I'd be running and I'd just fall and skin my knees and I was constantly falling until until.

Speaker 1 26:10

You disconnected that running parachute.

Speaker 2 26:12

I decided I was done with it.

Speaker 1 26:13

And then she'd let go of that running parachute and literally is she maintains her vertical.

Speaker 2 26:19

I always stand upright.

Speaker 1 26:20

It's amazing, so yeah. So be okay with imperfection, be okay with mistakes, and when you make mistakes, just Ice it, Ice ice baby. Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom. Ice ice baby Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom.

Speaker 2 26:40

Ice, ice baby. I think they should hire us to sing that song, yeah.

Speaker 1 26:43

All right, stop, collaborate and listen. You make a mistake, it's okay, and I'm not gonna do that anymore. I would need to write it down first, and then I think Okay so ice it.

Speaker 2 26:56

Just ice it Just ice it.

Speaker 1 26:58

You make a mistake, just ice it. It works for healing the body and it also works for healing you whenever you make a mistake.

Speaker 2 27:06

Absolutely.

Speaker 1 27:07

You might have to write that down. All right, stop Collaborate and listen.

Speaker 2 27:10

Ice it back with the brand new Jeff and.

Speaker 1 27:11

Shae are back with a brand new invention. Something grabs ahold of you tightly when you make mistakes. You'll be able to get through it.